Chess and automaticity

I have played an awful lot of chess to be as bad at it as I am. I have a chess app that sees two moves ahead, and I beat it about one time in ten. The problem is that I play intuitively, doing things that I believe will be good ideas, usually because I've done them before - they are the kind of thing I do. I long ago took the correct insight that conscious processing of all possibilities will not be powerful enough to always win, and now act as though unconscious/automatic processing will refine itself over time into an unbeatable victory engine. In fact, conscious processing is the way to begin accumulating unconscious patterns to allow deeper insight into the future. Without puzzling it out, I have not improved.

This is a bit of a bad mental habit for me, which may be related to my mother praising 'cleverness' rather than 'effort.' This was heavily reinforced by schooling in a system that required respectful behaviour and a home life that fore-armed me with ideas. I think I actually did about 5% of my assigned homework, and so my facility with everything skilled, from algebra to music to Japanese to essay composition remained almost static.

At the moment I am struggling to become a skilled researcher instead of just a magpie-minded popinjay. But this long habit of believing that effort is a sign you should just give up, because you are innately unqualified and can't become qualified is hard to break. I need to get a virtuous dopamine circle going around reading things and learning, instead of a vicious shame-spiral at not already knowing them.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7